Merry B Sober 101

101 Days … Uninterrupted Sobriety.  No cocktails.  No dulling drunk moments.

I am…

  1. Enjoying amazing sleep and waking up refreshed and eager to start my day.
  2. Feeling vibrant.
  3. Not interested in dulling my senses.
  4. Finding inspiration and creativity for many aspects of my life.

Love this post by Hannah Kingston…she mentions many things I am also finding beneficial to my alcohol free world.

I am ready to fly… (and literally pondering getting a pilot’s license).

Excited for new day, new month, new season….

Sex Ed

Sober Sex.

I’m not really “doing it” very well.

I have decided to get better “educated”.

I gathered some reading material.

And so it begins.



I thought I knew “quite a bit” about the topic, but I was surprised to learn a lot of (what now seems very common sense) information about my own body, my brain’s role in all of this, and why I had lost interest in sex in my mid-50s (and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with being menopausal).

One takeaway from Dr. Emily Nagoski: We all have natural accelerators and brakes.

Unfortunately for me, just as I was dabbling in the personal journey of my growing sexuality, I was in the alcohol-rich environment of a “reputable party school” of higher academic learning.

Booze became my buddy to drop inhibitions, soothe rejection, mask awkwardness, heighten the fun factor.  Mr. Buzz, aka dopamine push, made anyone with me seem amazing and exciting.

It was artificial.  Like so many other parts of life that can get tweaked by booze.  Cocktails ramped up my natural accelerator…and probably, sadly, set some brakes that I may not have naturally been disposed to …for later in my sober life.

I blamed my change in sexual desire, over these past ten years, to menopause.  I thought I was aging and/or in need of fixing.   After Sex Ed class this week, stress is more likely the extinguisher of my sexual being.  (And I had the aha moment that the past ten years has been my journey in sobriety…not just menopause.)  My Sober Self wants MORE for myself as a Sexual Goddess than I allowed my drunk young self to ever experience.

Guess what else I used alcohol to manage… yep…. stress.   So I put myself on a terrible merry go round.  Drink to relieve stress… the dopamine fed my pleasure zone…husband seems more attractive to brain…inhibitions drop…I am more open to having sex (although it is dulled by the alcohol …but at least the partner is happy to be getting some… so the relationship can bob along).  But while this little roundabout was going on…my internal stress gets heightened by the effect of alcohol…and all the stressors are still there…and the biggest extinguisher of sexual desire is…. STRESS.

Shit Show Alert. I created a Sexual Stress Mess.

I need to reintroduce myself to a sexual self – a sober sexual being.

Lots of great information and ideas in this book.  New awareness.  New self-acceptance. Things I want to model and pass down to my kids.  Adventures to explore with my “significant other of almost three decades”.

If you want to see my notes click over to the Books I’ve Read page.


Since making the discovery that I am an Island Girl, I have participated in Relationship Development Quick Start Program and started this book, finished this one and started this one.

All of this put me down a path of better understanding of Masculine and Feminine energy and the role they play in our physical health and wellbeing.  (Cause…Just saying…I don’t feel in my core that we can have strong romantic relationships if we are not flourishing as individuals).

One important aha moment:  Alcohol dulls my Feminine “Spirit”.  Now that I am in search of my true self, I don’t want to shove her back in the dark shadow by drowning her with toxins.  As I reflect, I believe I allowed society to intimidate me to squelch my own passion development, because good girls don’t think or do “that”…

Alcohol eliminated inhibitions and gave an excuse to exercise those desires…but sadly took away the sensation and attentiveness to the moment.  I robbed myself.

No more.

Our Oracle has a job: Tend or light and fire.

Your Oracle steers by the light of the moon. Your Oracle has night vision and can see in the dark. Your Oracle always has your back. Your Oracle is on “team you.” Your Oracle’s guidance will at times be great news, sweet as honey. At other times, it will burn away all that no longer serves you, and all that is no longer you. Tirelessly, she will make sure you are walking your Feminine Genius path, no matter what you need to learn or how you need to grow as you go.

Using an exercise from Feminine Genius, (Oracle Practice #3: Calling Your Oracle), a quiet mind goes within and “attempts” to connect with the inner self.  I was encouraged to find meanings in research if a name floated into my consciousness.  Like a bling…it flashed… I’ve don’t know anyone by this name.  I have never considered it for a pet or child, so I took it to mean that this was my new friend.

Meet my Oracle… Violet.


{The following may….or may not be of interest ….to anyone but merry….although if you read further you will discover that amethyst is otherwise known as the sobriety stone}

As a color…


Violet is a spectral color, near Indigo (have always loved the concept of Indigo Children). It is at the end of the visible spectrum between blue and invisible ultraviolet.  As a spectral color, it has its own wavelength  (380-450 nanometers).  It is a dominant wavelength and violet objects actually reflect violet light.

Spiritual calming of emotions, it represents future, imagination, and dreams.  It can inspire and enhance psychic abilities and spiritual enlightenment while keeping us GROUNDED.

Color of reconciliation.

Violet is one of the first/oldest colors used in cave drawings.

As a flower…


It has a long bloom from spring to frost and can bloom through winter in warmer climates. Good Luck Symbol for Women.

Love. Modesty. Virtue. Affection. Faithfulness.

Luxury. Royalty. Extravagance. Individuality.

{I’m having fun at this point in my research, seeing a connection to the relationship developments I want to build with others ….and the individual growth I want for myself}

As a crystal…


  • Stimulates and soothes the mind and emotions
  • Fire, Passion, Creativity, and Spirituality
  • Logic, temperance, and sobriety…prevent drunkenness and overindulgence.
  • Control evil thoughts
  • Increase intelligence
  • Protection of travelers and soldiers
  • Assistance to hunters
  • Couple’s stone
  • Healer
  • Natural Tranquilizer
  • Boosts production of hormones
  • Stimulates sympathetic nervous system and endocrine glands
  • Oxygenates blood
  • Treats digestive tract, heart, stomach, skin
  • Strengthens immune system

Amethyst honors Artemis, Greek Goddess of the hunt and childbirth-love of mountains and forests, and, Diana, Roman Goddess of the Moon.

Violet is valued in Chinese culture as the harmony of the universe.  It is a combination of blue and red… a balance of yin and yang.  (Night/Day, Hot/Cold, RightBrain/LeftBrain)

In Hindu and Buddhaism violet is the CROWN CHAKRA.  As the petals unfold of the crown chakra, one finds wisdom. One assimilates knowledge and integrates it.  We know.  We understand.  We manifest destiny.

Cleansing and purifying, the color of magic, ritual purifying, connecting,  mystery, and mysticism. Rebirth and illumination.

Van Gogh, an avid student of color theory, used violet/purple often in his Iris and Starry Night paintings.

Purple has become a color of choice by politicians who want to portray a combination of the two parties.  Assertive and Confident (red) +  Peace and Cooperation (blue).

Physical level Gifts of Radiant Health

  • Healthy Nervous System
  • Sharp Mind
  • Excellent Cognitive Skills
  • Healthy reflexes
  • Connected Mind Body Spirit

Mental level Gifts

  • Imagination
  • Open Minded
  • Curious
  • Deep Thinker
  • Love of Learning, Studying, Reading
  • Find Connections and Patterns

Mental level Challenges

  • Materialistic
  • Greedy
  • Dominating
  • Rigid Mindset
  • Over-Intellectualizing

Emotional Level Gifts

  • Intuitive
  • Sensitive
  • Wisdom/Mastery
  • Aware
  • Emotionally Balanced
  • Peaceful Calm
  • Joyful
  • Connected to Heaven

Emotional Level Challenges

  • Overwhelm
  • Confusion Frustration
  • Apathy
  • Isolation
  • Depression
  • Lack of inspiration
  • Feeling Ungrounded

The Key to Chakra Healing is the VIOLET FLAME.  It burns with all the colors of violet from deep magenta to pale lilac through violet and purple with flickers of silver, gold, deep ruby and opalescent light.


{and coming full circle to my discovery of male/female}… 

The Violet Flame of 3 merges the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine (Blue, Pink, Gold)

The Divine Feminine (Right Brain and heart) of crystalline pink brings love, nurture, compassion, adoration, and reverence for all life.

The Divine Masculine (Left Brain, throat, and heart) is a sapphire blue bringing desire, inner resolve, power, leadership over ourselves.

When these merge and balance our “Higher Centers” a gold ray of energy awakens.

Gold Flame embodies wisdom, discrimination, illumination.  Love balances power and wisdom blends with love.  The violet flame of forgiveness and transmutation activates within us.


I’m on a journey to rediscover and embrace my whole being.  Remaining sober will allow for deeper progression while using numbing substances of any type would clearly halt and probably send my spirit running to hide again.

I’m confident that it won’t take much coaxing to allow myself to shine brightly.  I’m committed to being the most courageous version of myself to allow all of it to unfold and emerge.


It’s April 1, 2019… some call it April Fools Day.

I’m grateful I am no longer fooled by the crap society has been feeding me about alcohol consumption.  “Wine is good for health”… A reread of this post reminds me that NO ALCOHOL at all… is the healthiest option.

Building off of Functioning Guzzler’s post, I recalled a pondering in our blog world regarding drinking and international economics.

Imagine Las Vegas, a town lubricated by alcohol 24/7.  Could the be fiscally sound if there was no alcohol to diminish inhibitions to gamble hard earned money away?

I cannot think of very many public events that do not have alcohol: sporting arenas, concert venues, even most movie theaters.  Golf Courses, Ski Lodges, Bowling Alleys,  and Pool Halls.  What about tours at Beer Gardens, and Vineyards.  Then there is vacation:  Cruise Ships, Resorts, Hotel Lobbies… what other jobs could those people do if they are not serving cocktails?  There is so much Fu**ing alcohol swirling around in our society.

I just spent a weekend in a new town with a large group.  As I sampled various Sparkling Waters, there was a lot of drinking.  Every meal had a drinking option.  As the weekend went on… everyone started complaining about how poorly they slept the night before…I was so happy to feel fresh and awake each day (even while nursing a cold).  But it all just reminded me of how much of an economic adjustment it would take if everyone realized that liquor is NOT a health enhancer.

What if everyone just stopped ordering alcohol?