Changing Behavior

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I’m parenting teens…and a 13 month old Lab Dog (Puppy)…and sometimes it feels like I parent my husband and then of course there is my ….

INNER CHILD….  ME

I’ve learned along the way that others learn through modeling.

So I’m trying to work on me, and change the things in myself that I feel are important lessons for my kids.

With that said, it is not easy…

And on those kinds of harder-like days, I at least feel I’ve connected with gaining some empathy for how hard it is to be a teenager who is trying to figure out

  • who the hell they are…
  • how to manage self care…
  • how to look forward instead of backward…
  • how to live in the moment while still maintaining long term goals….
  • …how to make changes that are beneficial to self!

The topic of SHAME keeps popping up in my universe. (My youngest accused me of “shaming him” into brushing his teeth when he was a 6th grader…and that zinger has stuck with me over the years since…I don’t respond to shaming from others…I have done enough to myself.)

Brene Brown’s books have really got me looking into myself and how shame is so connected to the choices I made around drinking…I’m ready for Shame Resilience.  (Future Post)

Then this popped into my email box today:  How to Change Someone’s Bad Behavior.  I enjoy Vanessa Van Edward’s work.

Tactics that DO NOT work to change behavior:

  • Helpful
  • Threatening
  • Incentivizing
  • Pleading
  • Shaming

Steps that DO work:

  • Pride
  • Togetherness
  • Progress
  • Tools

I’m using this as platform to give myself a pat on the back this last day in January.

I’m proud for not drinking since early December.  I’ve done it together with a community of others who are living a sober life.  I’ve accomplished much more in the past 50 days because my energy is up and I’m not wasting any time on hangovers.  I’ve added tools to my SOS Toolbox.  I have to agree that these positive steps have been much more effective.

2 thoughts on “Changing Behavior

  1. Thank you for these links I will be checking them out. I know pleading and threatening doesn’t work with my children. I can’t think of threats fast enough and the pleading falls on deaf ears! The whole parenting thing is exasperating at times and my children aren’t even teenagers yet. Well done on 50 days. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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